Full Metal Jacket Potato
Marvin Cheeseman
By Chris Rockson
After the Punk poetry of John Cooper Clarke, and from just down the road where JCC once lived, in my hometown of Salford, comes another 'Bard of Beasley Street', a street poet, and friend of mine, by the name of Marvin Cheeseman.
Here are a couple of his little Gems, plucked out of his extensive portfolio....and a couple that ain't been released yet, so we're very honoured to be the first!
Sit back and enjoy!
PRIMARK – THE RUMBLE IN THE JUMBLE
by Marvin Cheeseman
Queues as far as the eye can see
Clothes so cheap they’re almost free
High Street heaven for the skint and thrifty
Five pairs of knickers for one pound fifty
Cut-price clobber rail after rail
A 52 week-long January sale
Shameless shoppers soon succumb
To the large scale jumble sale rugby scrum
Denims and tempers are equally frayed
Impeccable manners rarely displayed
A jostle here, an elbow there
In love, war and the process of frenzied sartorial consumer transactions, all is fair
Manic men with psychotic spouses
Rabidly rummage through mounds of trousers
Marks and Spencer hot for six
By the very antithesis of Harvey Nicks
Garment garlands garnish the floor
I trip on pyjamas for a girl aged four
Grab what you can then run out fast
How much longer can this madness last?
It’s a bargain bonanza that can’t be resisted
You’d think branded clothing had never existed
Shirt, shoes, kecks and a coat
I still had change from a five-pound note.
CAPTAIN KIRK WAS CONSIDERED A 'LOOKER'
Captain Kirk was considered a 'looker'
But when he became 'TJ Hooker'
I think Mr.Spock
Would have got quite a shock
At this podgy, wig-wearing old fucker.
THERE WAS A YOUNG LAD FROM DEVIZES
There was a young lad from Devizes
Wrote poems to try and win prizes
But the judges weren’t smitten
With the stuff that he’d written
A lot of it didn’t even rhyme.
LOVE POEM TO WHOEVER
by Marvin Cheeseman (after John Cooper Clarke)
Let me be your dream car, a shiny E-type Jag
Let me be your Marlboros when you’re gaspin’ for a fag
When you’re hungry grant this wish
Let me be your favourite dish
Take me, take me, I’m yours…
Let me be your Ray Bans for all those sunny days
When you have a salad let me be your mayonnaise
Sip some tea babe with those lips
Let me be your PG Tips
Take me, take me, I’m yours…
Let me be your shoelace, I will never snap
If one day you lose your way, let me be your map
When your sideboard needs a clean
Let me be your Mr Sheen
Baby you know what I mean
Take me, take me, take me,
I’m yours.
MARVIN CHEESEMAN
Writer and Performer
Marvin Cheeseman made his debut as a performance poet in 1998 at Manchester’s Frog and Bucket comedy club. The following year, after winning several poetry “slams”, he was featured in the Manchester Poetry Festival. The year 2000 saw the release of his first poetry collection “Full Metal Jacket Potato” published by the Bad Press. The success of this book led to appearances at a range of festivals and comedy venues around the country, including four separate appearances at the Cheltenham Festival of Literature.
Over the last five years Marvin’s work has featured on BBC Radio 1, 2 and 4 and he appeared on the BBC television poetry series “Whine Gums.” He has published a limerick collection entitled “Making Prawn Sandwiches for Roy Keane” and a new book “A Bran Flake in the Butter” is to be published in spring 2008.
Marvin has delivered many workshops in schools and libraries around the north of England, working everywhere from primary schools to prisons.In 2005 working alongside fellow poet Mike Garry, Marvin helped produce the “Submerged” book – part of the Gifted and Talented initiative, which took place at Ashton Art Gallery, Manchester.
In November 2005 Marvin made a very memorable appearance in between John Hegley and Dave Spikey at Manchester Comedy Store’s tribute night for the late Hovis Presley.
Recent activities include a commission from the Prince’s Trust to work for a week with school children at Leeds Art Gallery as part of the Queen’s 80th birthday celebrations and recording an edition of “Real Deal” with antiques expert David Dickinson to perform a poem specially written for the show called “Tat or Treasure.”
Marvin can be contacted at :
http://www.myspace.com/marvincheeseman